The Link Between Listening and Socialising: How to Help Kids with Auditory Processing Thrive

Little Dexter was always a happy baby. His mom Sarah loves telling stories about how he would break into the biggest smiles when anyone walked into his nursery. Even as a tiny baby, he would wave his arms excitedly whenever his big sister Emma came to peek at him in his crib.

Life at home was full of love. Sarah taught kindergarten at the local elementary school, while Dexter’s dad, Michael worked as an architect. Their house was always warm and cosy, with Emma’s drawings stuck to the fridge and Dexter’s favourite stuffed dinosaur, Rex, watching from the living room couch.

But as Dexter grew older, his parents started noticing little things that worried them. At birthday parties, while other kids ran around playing tag and shouting, Dexter would often sit quietly in a corner, looking lost and confused. He wanted to join in – you could see it in his eyes – but something was holding him back.

Emma, his eleven-year-old sister, was the first to really understand what was happening. “Mom,” she said one day, “I think Dexter can’t understand when he is around many people and everyone talks at once. He gets this scared look on his face, like when Dad plays music too loud in the car.”

School was especially hard for Dexter. In his first-grade classroom, he would often end up doing completely different things from his classmates. Not because he was trying to be difficult, but because he hadn’t understood what his teacher had asked the class to do. During story time, while other kids sat captivated by the tales, Dexter’s face would scrunch up in frustration. It broke his mom’s heart because at home when she read to him quietly in his bedroom, he loved stories more than anything.

The happy little boy who used to get excited about playdates started making excuses to stay home. “My tummy hurts,” he would say when his friend Lucas invited him over. Or “I’m too tired” when someone asked him to play. His parents knew the real reason – he felt lonely and left out because he simply couldn’t keep up with the noise and chatter of other kids.

The Struggles of Having Auditory Processing Disorder

Think back to your childhood playground days – the laughter, the shouting, the games and the constant chatter. For most kids, these sounds blend into an exciting backdrop of fun and friendship. But for some children, making sense of this sound mash-up is like trying to solve a puzzle. These are the kids who struggle with auditory processing and one of their biggest challenges in life is how to have a good social life or just a few meaningful social interactions.

When a child has trouble processing sounds, especially speech, their whole social world can feel like watching a movie where the audio and video don’t quite match up. They might hear the words, but understanding them in real-time becomes a real challenge. This affects not just their ability to follow conversations, but also their confidence in making friends and joining group activities.

The Daily Reality

Think about a hypothetical situation where you are sitting in a classroom and every word your teacher speaks seems to get muffled by the sound of shuffling papers, whispered conversations and the hum of the air conditioner. It sounds like a confusing nightmare, right? This is the daily reality for children who struggle with auditory processing. They often find themselves asking friends to repeat things, missing jokes or feeling lost in fast-moving conversations. It’s not that they aren’t paying attention – their brains just process sound information differently.

Parents and teachers often notice certain patterns. A child might seem to ignore someone calling their name, not because they’re being difficult, but because their brain needs extra time to process the sound and recognise it as their name. They might prefer quiet, one-on-one play dates to noisy group activities. After school, they might seem unusually tired – because they’ve spent all day working extra hard to keep up with conversations and instructions.

Understanding the Impact

Did you know that roughly 5% of children in Australia have some form of auditory processing disorder? The connection between listening and socialising runs deeper than most people realise. When children struggle to process what they hear, it affects how they interact with others in countless ways. 

• They might miss the subtle changes in someone’s tone of voice that signal emotions. 
• They could struggle to follow the rapid back-and-forth of playground games. 
• Sometimes, they might seem to be in their own world, when really they’re just taking extra time to process the sounds around them.

This can lead to a ripple effect on their social life. Other kids might think they’re not interested in playing or sharing stories. Teachers might wonder why they don’t follow instructions quickly. These misunderstandings can make children feel isolated or discouraged, even though they’re just as eager to connect and make friends as anyone else.

Cognitive Development and Auditory Processing

Our brain develops in remarkable ways during childhood, much like a house being built brick by brick. When a child faces challenges with auditory processing, it’s as if some of these bricks take a bit longer to fit into place. This means auditory processing disorder affects the cognitive development of children. It affects how their mind grows and learns in many ways.

Think about how babies learn language – they start by hearing sounds, then matching these sounds to meaning and finally producing words themselves. For children with auditory processing challenges, this phase looks quite different. They might take longer to understand that the sound “dog” matches the furry animal they see or they might struggle to remember the sequence of sounds that make up longer words. So this means, there is a core connection between cognitive development and auditory processing, which is also proven by some studies.

These differences in processing sound can ripple through many areas of learning. 

• Reading often becomes more challenging because reading relies heavily on connecting written letters to their sounds. 
• A child might be perfectly capable of understanding complex ideas but struggle to follow along when someone reads aloud or when trying to sound out words themselves.
• Memory development is another area that’s closely tied to auditory processing. We often remember things by rehearsing them in our minds using sound – like repeating a phone number or recalling the steps in a recipe. When sound processing is tricky, developing these memory skills requires different strategies. These children might excel at visual memory instead, remembering things they see much better than things they hear.

Well, the good news is that our brains are incredibly adaptable. When one pathway presents challenges, the brain often finds creative alternatives. Many children with auditory processing challenges develop exceptional visual thinking skills, becoming gifted at art, design or spatial problem-solving. They might also become particularly good at reading body language and picking up on non-verbal cues, compensating for what they might miss in spoken communication.

Low Self-Esteem Due to Feeling “Different”

Walking in the shoes of a child with auditory processing challenges can help us understand why self-esteem often takes a hit. Imagine being in a world where everyone else seems to effortlessly catch onto things that you have to work extra hard to understand. It’s like being the only person watching a movie without subtitles when the audio isn’t quite clear – frustrating and sometimes even lonely.

These feelings often start in everyday situations. A child might miss the point a peer is trying to make or they may not realise their name was called during class attendance. Small moments like these can pile up, creating a nagging feeling of being out of sync with others. They might start having thoughts like “Why can’t I just get it like everyone else?” or “Why am I not normal like other kids around me?” or “Maybe I’m not as smart as my friends.”

Social situations can become particularly tricky. When children struggle to keep up with fast-moving conversations or miss social cues that come through tone of voice, they might start pulling back from social interactions. This withdrawal isn’t because they don’t want to connect with others – it’s often a protective response to avoid the discomfort of feeling different or making mistakes in social situations.

The impact on self-esteem can show up in subtle ways. Some children might become perfectionists, trying extra hard to prove their worth in areas where they excel. Others might develop a fear of trying new things, worried about potential failure. Some might act out or become the class clown, using humour to deflect attention from their struggles.

Elders Often Frustrated with Them

The relationship between children with auditory processing challenges and the adults in their lives can sometimes become strained, often due to simple misunderstandings. Parents, teachers and other caregivers might find themselves repeating instructions multiple times, speaking louder (which usually doesn’t help) or feeling like their words are falling on deaf ears.

From an adult’s perspective, it might seem like the child is being deliberately difficult or not paying attention. A teacher might wonder why a clearly bright student keeps missing important instructions. Parents might feel exhausted from having to repeat themselves constantly, especially during busy morning routines or homework time. This frustration can lead to tense moments and strained relationships; extremely painful for the concerned child who is already facing countless challenges on a daily basis.

The challenge often lies in the mismatch between expectations and understanding. Adults might not realise that traditional approaches to communication – like giving multiple verbal instructions at once or calling out reminders from another room – simply don’t work well for these children. When adults express their frustration through sighs, raised voices or impatient responses, it can make children feel even more anxious and less capable of processing what they’re hearing.

Creating a Sound-Friendly World

At home and school, there are many ways to help children who struggle with sound processing. The key is to create environments where listening becomes easier and more natural. This might mean turning down the background noise of TVs and radios, using soft furnishings to absorb echo or creating quiet corners where children can take a break from noisy situations.

When talking with these children, making eye contact and speaking clearly (but naturally) can make a big difference. It’s helpful to break information into smaller chunks and give them extra time to process what they’ve heard. This isn’t about talking down to them – it’s about giving their brains the time and space needed to make sense of sound information.

Making Learning Work

In the classroom, small changes can make a huge difference. 

• Sitting closer to the teacher, away from noisy areas like windows or hallways, can help children focus better on what’s being taught. 
• Teachers can support these students by providing written instructions along with verbal ones and using lots of visual aids. 
• It’s also helpful to give them movement breaks throughout the day, as physical activity can help reset the brain’s attention system.
• For homework and studying organisation becomes key. Having a quiet study space and breaking tasks into smaller parts can prevent them getting overwhelmed. 
• Many children find it helpful to use recordings of important instructions or to create visual guides for their assignments. 

The goal is to make learning more accessible without making the child feel different or singled out.

Building Confidence Step by Step

One of the most important aspects of supporting these children is helping them build confidence. This means celebrating their progress, no matter how small it might seem. When a child successfully follows a complex instruction or joins in a group game, that’s worth acknowledging. These small victories build up over time, creating a foundation of confidence that helps children tackle bigger challenges.

The Tomatis® Approach: A Musical Journey to Better Listening

Enter the Tomatis® Method, an interesting intervention that uses music to help children develop better listening skills. Think of it as a workout for the ears and brain, but instead of lifting weights, children listen to specially modified classical music, particularly Mozart’s compositions. The music alternates between different frequencies, helping the brain build stronger connections for processing sound.

During these musical sessions, children can draw, play with puzzles or engage in other fun activities. It’s not about sitting still and concentrating hard – it’s about letting the brain naturally adapt to better sound processing while doing enjoyable things. Over time, many children start to find it easier to follow conversations, understand instructions and pick up on the emotional undertones in people’s voices.

What Happened to Dexter?

One summer evening changed everything. At a neighborhood cookout, Dexter’s dad was talking to their neighbour, Dr. Rodriguez, who used to help kids with hearing problems. As Michael described how Dexter struggled to follow along in noisy places and how their once-outgoing son was becoming more and more quiet, Dr. Rodriguez’s eyes lit up. He told Michael about something called the Tomatis® Method – a special way to help kids like Dexter make better sense of the sounds around them.

That night, Michael stayed up late reading about other children like Dexter who had been helped by this method. It wasn’t about fixing Dexter’s hearing – his hearing was perfectly fine. It was about helping his brain make better sense of all the sounds coming in.

When they found a place that offered the program, Emma made it fun for her little brother. While Dexter wore special headphones that played changed-up classical music, Emma would sit next to him with her own headphones, pretending they were both training to be superheroes. “These are our super-hearing powers,” she would whisper, making Dexter giggle.

Slowly but surely, things started to change. 

• Dexter’s teacher noticed he was raising his hand more in class. 
• At home, family dinners became easier because he could follow the conversations better. 
• The biggest smile came when he finally joined soccer practice without getting overwhelmed by all the noise on the field.

These days, Dexter is back to being a happy kid who loves making new friends. Sure, some days are still harder than others, but now he knows how to handle them better. His family understands him more too. Emma still watches out for her little brother, but now she gets to watch him shine instead of struggle.

At dinner last week, Dexter told his family about making a new friend at school. His eyes sparkled as he described their games at recess and how he could understand everything his new friend said, even on the noisy playground. Sarah and Michael were excited to hear about his social life taking a turn for the better and asked Dexter to bring his friend for a playdate soon.

Dexter’s story shows how important it is to never give up on hope and on your child when they are struggling. Sometimes, the right help comes in unexpected ways, like a conversation at a cookout. But most importantly, it shows how a family’s love and understanding, combined with the right support, can help a child find their way back to the joy of connecting with others.

Remember, the goal isn’t to change who these children are, but to help them navigate the world in a way that works for them. By understanding their challenges and providing the right support, we can help them build the confidence and skills they need to thrive in both their social lives and academic pursuits. If you are struggling with auditory processing disorder, attention deficit disorder, dyslexia or have memory issues and emotional dysregulation issues, get in touch with our expert, Françoise Nicoloff who has more than 48 years of experience in the field. You can get a 20 Minute Free Session with her for a diagnosis and understanding how the Tomatis® Method can help.