The Reality of Parental Depression in Special Needs Families

How often do you hear this story?

It starts with parents noticing that their child isn’t learning to speak or walk as other children. The child is starting to show strange tics in behaviour and communication. They finally go see a professional for a diagnosis and then they are told that their child has some form of brain disorder.

This same story then goes to show much this family struggles, mothers and fathers weep over the plight of their special needs children. Everything is now an absolute struggle for them. And at the end, they also end up being diagnosed with parental depression.

Such stories are usually meant to focus on the children and increase awareness about neurodiversity. However, it is also equally important to understand the impact it has on the parents. They are just as affected after all, even if they don’t have the same disorders.

In fact, the connection between problems like maternal depression and childhood development is well-documented. It is even more startling when you know that a lot of the symptoms for such types of depression are often ignored.

The worst part is that parents often think their downplaying and self-denying behaviour is justified by the difficult situation faced by their special needs children. Alas, the end result is that these parents spend the rest of the child-rearing years marred by drama, emotional breakdowns and high amounts of stress that are not even entirely because of the child.

Remember, having difficulty with one’s emotional state is not necessarily a problem only for special needs children. It is a challenge that everyone faces at some point in their life or another. Parental depression is an undeniable reality in special needs families, and it will be much healthier if mothers and fathers acknowledge it if they truly wish to give their best for their kids.

If you are a parent and have undoubtedly experienced the emotional turmoil of being told your child has been diagnosed with autism or some other form of developmental delay, then know that you have the right to seek help managing your feelings.

Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Seek therapy first, before medication.

Aside from the possible health risks of drug dependence (including exposing them to a child), there is an increasing consensus that psychological intervention is more effective in treating problems like depression rather than straight up medication.

Now, medication can still help but your first instinct is to first seek out professional counselling as a parent of a special needs child. Support like that does exist and, in fact, you might even ask for recommendations from the same professionals who diagnosed your child.

2. Consider family-focused interventions and therapies.

Put it simply, it can be more effective if you have therapy sessions as a family rather than having interventions separate you from your child.

There is actually a growing body of research suggesting that such forms of interventions are more effective. Conflicts within the family can be tackled out in the open rather than buried. It also helps make it easier to organise and balance your life between giving your child the support they need while also taking care of your own mental well-being as well. 

3. Understand that your child is more aware than you might think.

If regular children can already be aware of their parents’ emotional struggles, then the same can also be said of children with neurodiverse conditions (sometimes even more). Above all else, this should mean that your child should not feel like they must take a lot of blame for what you are going through.

Oftentimes this is a very common case with parents of special needs kids but that is all the more reason to avoid the blame game as much as possible. Your child may be different but that difference should be something to help bring you together as a family and not apart.

On a last note, parents should never believe that just because they have been emotionally troubled by the news of a diagnosis, it means there are no people who can sympathise with them or help them get through it. Your child is not alone in their journey and the people who help them can help you as well.

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